Episode 3: A Zoo Story

Look, before we go any further, you and I need to talk; have you ever noticed that nobody ever really fucking talks anymore? Actually, that’s kind of what I need to talk to you about.  There are some things I think you need to hear, and I should warn you, this is not going to be easy. 

The truth is, turning your attention outward and speaking truth to power is extremely important, but you aren’t going to make a better fucking world, or even a better life for yourself, without becoming a better person. Real change comes from within and right now you’re simply too fucking stupid to pull that off my friend. 

Actually, stupid isn’t fair – the real truth is that you are ignorant, you are distracted and you are afraid. 

You are ignorant, because your head has been filled with obfuscations, propaganda and outright lies.

You are distracted because your heart has been filled with ravenous desire, overpowering loneliness and consuming hate.

Finally, you are afraid because despite your outward projections of confidence, deep down inside you have absolutely no goddamn clue what’s real, what’s true and what the fuck happens next. Your brain has been on sensory overload for most of your life and at this point you’ve absorbed so many contradictory ideas that it’s a miracle you haven’t dashed your fucking cranium against a rock just to make the throbbing stop.

Please, hear me out, because I mean you no offense by the things I’ve just said. I say them not to hurt you, but because they are true and because you need to hear them – just as I needed to hear them before I could bring this message to you.

Right now, you aren’t a rational animal and frankly who the fuck can really blame you? From the moment you became aware of the world around you, you’ve been suckled on desire and when desire didn’t appease the terrible gnawing inside, you were encouraged to feast on hate. You been raised on garbage, surrounded by filth, taught to self-immolate for the benefit of others, and now society is supposed to shocked that you’re an unhappy, emotional cripple who lacks the capacity for critical thought? Mutherfucker please, hypocritical much?

No, you didn’t come to this by circumstance; you’ve been purposely reduced to this bestial state by those who would take your money and control your actions. I don’t mean the New World Order you halfwit – I’m talking about department stores, beer companies and Madison Avenue. I’m talking about politicians, spokesmen and activists. I’m talking about religious leaders, random fanatics on the internet and even your local fucking pastor. I’m talking about your teachers, your neighbors and even your parents for fuck’s sake.

It started early; since birth you’ve been bombarded by messages that encourage you to feel rather than think. You’ve been told stop crying for mommy, to obey your elders and assured that father knows best. You’ve learned that it’s dangerous to talk to strangers, that children should be seen, not heard and that under my roof, it’s my rules.  

You’ve been taught to pledge allegiance to a flag, that you live in a free country and that America is the greatest nation on earth.You’ve been assured that yours is the one god under heaven, he’s on your side and that the child-molester at the front of the congregation can help you stay in his good graces.

You’ve been implored to stay in school, say no to drugs and rock the vote:  for which you’ll have to support your political party, vote with your heart and hope for change you can believe in. This is important because you want a kinder, gentler America and to get it you’ll have to ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for your country, which of course means Putting People First.

It almost goes without saying that to accomplish this you’ll have to work smarter not harder, Save Your Money and go with the flow. How the hell else will you find true love, finance your first time mortgage or save for your retirement with Freedom 55?

Don’t worry tho, because along the way you’ll find solutions for a smart planet, so you can have it your way, if you just do it. Actually, it’s so easy a caveman could do it, you’ll get a money back guarantee and make no payments until next year.

Frankly, you’ll just have to get with the program, be a team player and think with your heart, because it’s all about the Benjamins, there’s panic on Wall Street and greed is good. No cash, bad credit? No problem, the right relationship is everything and there is no tomorrow.

Do I really need to keep going? You need to act, because they hate our freedom and there are things we can do, right now, to restore faith and trust in our institutions.

I could go on like this all day, after all, you only live once, diamonds are forever and if guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.

Have I made my case counselor? Are you starting to see just how many of the voices in your life would rather you remain a slave to your desires and emotions? Can you begin to comprehend the sheer fucking magnitude of what I’m talking about now?

Good, because that’s the bad news and I’m sorry to say it’s pretty damn grim. Unless you’re prepared to run as far away from human settlements as possible, and purposely block out transmissions from the outside world,  you’re pretty much stuck inside this omnipresent bombardment of shit.

Are you ready for the good news? The good news is that no matter how often or how earnestly you’ve been encouraged to unleash the beast, you are in fact still a god damn human being. You are not a dumb animal, you are capable of rational thought and yes, you do have a fucking choice. You are simply living in a prison made of money, desire, fear and hatred. Like any other prisoner facing unspeakable mental torture, you need to block out the lies and insanity around you, think for yourself and grab hold of what you know to be right and true for dear life.

In every social situation, in every conversation and every time you’re exposed to public media, you need to stop and ask yourself: what is really going on here? What message am I being given, by whom and for what purpose? What action am I being motivated to take and is that action *really* good for me or even something I want to do? Am I being informed for the purposes of making up my own mind, or am I experiencing a direct appeal to my emotions and being asked to trust someone or something else? Am I being told to obey, comply or follow and if so, do I actually want to do so? Am I being told who to trust, who to love or who to hate? Does what I’m being told actually matter to me on a rational level, or am I simply listening because I’ve been trained to respond to loud noises, evocative music and public figures speaking to me in extremely passionate tones?

Hey kid, I never said it would be easy. In world made from bullshit it takes tremendous emotional fortitude and a fuck ton of mental energy to keep clean. There are no shortcuts here, because as soon as you decide it’s not worth the effort to learn and decide for yourself, you’ve surrendered what it really means to be human.

You’ve spent your entire life forming an addiction to consumer goods, catchy slogans and base, self-destructive emotions – breaking that dependency will not be easy. You’ll have doubts, you’ll feel lonely and people around you will do everything in their power to push you back into your corral. They’ll call you arrogant, self-important and uppity. They’ll suggest that you’ve changed, that you don’t know how to just enjoy life anymore and that you’re starting to scare them. You’ll be called a hippy, a radical, a fascist, an elitist, an activist, a loner, a communist and a nut – sometimes by the same people, during the same conversations.

A person who thinks for themselves and can’t be classified with a few, bullshit ideological phrases is more dangerous to western society than any terrorist, spree killer or political activist. In a world of braying asses demanding you take a side, there’s simply no fucking room for a nuanced opinion.

You’re going to scare the holy shit out of anyone who still buys into the prison of hunger, passion and fear. Even your  friends and family may turn against you, because just by exercising your intellect, critical thinking skills and free will, you will exist as an open reminder than they do not, or cannot do so themselves. You will remind them that deep down inside they are unhappy and in turn they may blame you for this unhappiness.

This is why you will need to keep those you love and can truly trust as your closest and only confidants – they are a valued source of information, advice and genuine love in a world where virtually every mutherfucker has got his hand in your pocket or down your pants. These are the people you can really talk with; those who will judge you for who you are and what you do, rather than who society says you should be. They won’t love you unconditionally, but instead demand the best version of you. They won’t let you lie to yourself, but neither will they use emotional arguments to smother your ideas.

You may be alone right now, but you aren’t alone in the bigger picture,  people who think like you’re starting to think right now are out there; you found one when you clicked on this video.

A word of warning however:  don’t be surprised if these people aren’t actually your family. Just remember, you didn’t pick the environment you were born into and any butt-beaming asshole can make a baby; the survival of our species depends on it. Real family is where you find it, and you aren’t destined to die alone just because your dice came up shitty and your blood relations are a blight on the species.

Listen, if you only take one god damn thing from this entire fucking video, please make it the importance to take a moment, calm down and think for yourself for fuck’s sake. Think often, liberally, at every opportunity and before you decided to feel or do anything. You’ll become a better listener, you’ll learn more and even though you don’t believe me right now, you’ll be happier.

Buck up sparky, I know you can do it; after all, you are the smartest mutherfucking animal in the history of all creation.

You’ve been reading  Everyone is Wrong But Me, Episode 3: A Zoo Story and if you’re still here and you haven’t subscribed to mychannel by now, I’d bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around.  I still want your subscription tho : so just click the fucking button already.

Ciao.

Episode 2: The Canuckistani Patriot Act

Hello again, you’re reading Everyone is Wrong But Me.

As those of you who’ve seen my first video may have sensed, I am not particularly fond of politics or politicians. More specifically, I view most elected officials and the lies they spew as a form of malignant, festering boil on the collective ass of humanity. I don’t have a favorite political party because that would be like having a favorite rape position and I openly mock the term “public servant” because anyone with half a fucking brain can see that a politician’s one and only job is to get elected by any means necessary.

 

Unfortunately, my general disdain for these rat-fuckers has thus far had no effect whatsoever on their ability to steal my money, pass laws that drastically affect my life and slaughter innocent people in my name. All the same, I don’t generally waste a lot of time complaining about politics for the same reason I don’t bitch about bad weather and stomach poisoning – it’s a bloody great waste of time.

Today however, I am going to make an exception on behalf of the noble peoples of Canuckistan who at this very moment are facing down their own homegrown version of the Patriot Act – the innocuously titled Bill C51. Since I *know* you flunked geography and have never read a newspaper in your life, let me explain:

• Canada is the country to your north with fucktons of snow, emo French girls and Americans who decided a few years back that “no, I won’t go back to the ‘Stan for another tour and you can go fuck yourself Sarge.”
• The nation is absolutely fucking huge and because the population tops out at about 35 million people, most of the country is just long stretches of highway surrounded by gas stations and Tim Horton’s Coffee franchises.
• As a whole, Canadians are a fuck lot like Americans – only with fewer guns, a very slightly more progressive legal system and an unhealthy obsession with proving that they are absolutely nothing like Americans. Like us, they mostly congregate in large urban areas to avoid the predations of wolves, bears and White Walkers.
• It is also against the law in Canada to yell loudly unless you are at a bar or hockey rink, which has lead to the international belief that Canadians are warm and polite. Don’t believe this for a second. They’re just the most passive aggressive mutherfuckers on the planet. These people would rather smile and nod at you than waste energy explaining that you’re a shithead. No, seriously – Canadians are master trolls.
• Despite this pent up aggression, they are generally a peaceful, if not pacifistic people. This is in part due to Canuckistan’s history of international peacekeeping and it part because they enjoy maintaining a smug superiority over “imperialist” Americans and the British.
• Finally, the Emperor for Life of Canuckistan is a pudgy, charmless man with no discernible lips and a head shaped like a peanut. He’s also secretly an evangelical whackjob who maintains a carefully cultivated, semi-atheist public persona for the purposes of remaining in power. His name is Stephen Harper and despite the fact that no Canadian will ever admit to voting for him, he’s been the Prime Minster of Canada for at least a hundred fucking years.

You got all that? Good, because to understand why Bill C 51 is so shocking, it’s important to understand how much Harper has already changed the country and why nobody can really stop him. Harper is the leader of the Progressive Conservative party – no seriously, that’s the real name and as far as I can tell nobody who votes for them is bothered by the sheer fucking cognitive dissonance involved in the slightest. As I was saying – these guys primarily draw their base of support from one province and the same kind of ignorant, backwater, rural communities that fuel the American Tea Party. They’re almost universally hated in the three largest cities in the country however.

Unfortunately, the Canuckistani electoral process is pretty much rigged so that a vote placed in a large urban area is worth only a tiny fraction as much as a vote placed in a depopulated rural shithole. This will sound pretty familiar to Americans who lived through the Bush presidency and it’s allowed Harper to gain an ever increasing stranglehold on the country since first being elected in 2008. 

Over that time Harper has increasingly involved the nation in the ridiculous fucking scam that is the “Global War on Terror” and deployed the Canadian military to places like Afghanistan, Iraq and Libya. Predictably, this has had the effect of drawing Canada to the attention of violent religious extremists while simultaneously radicalizing sympathizers, dissidents and lunatics looking to commit suicide by cop back home. 

 

For the most part, all this resulted in was empty threats and a lot of bad noise until 2013 when the authorities prevented a plot to derail a Toronto-bound train and a separate Boston Marathon-style bomb attack at a large, public gathering. 

Shit really hit the fan in October of 2014 however when a radicalized Canadian intentionally ran over two soldiers in a parking lot in Quebec, killing one.  Two days later, a single gunman shot and killed a Canadian solider guarding a War Memorial in Ottawa and then attempted to shoot his way into Parliament hill - although he was largely unsuccessful in doing so. Throw in the June ambush and assassination of 3 federal cops by a man who would have been called a terrorist if he weren’t so hopelessly white and you have the perfect fucking recipe for Harper’s Bill C 51.

So what the fuck is Bill C 51 already? Well, it’s being sold as an anti-terrorism bill that represents an absolutely necessary sacrifice of *minor* personal freedoms by the great people of Canuckistan - to protect them from violent, gory deaths at the hands of shadowy Islamic militants that walk among them. It’s been called “the Canadian Patriot Act” by some, but in a way that’s entirely unfair because a normal human being can actually read the fucking thing – it’s only 62 pages long.  

That’s a good thing because carefully reading Bill C 51 is a bigger mindfuck than the last twenty minutes of the movie “Jacob’s Ladder.” The document is full of vague, emotional language that goes well beyond fighting fucking terrorism. The bill also grants government-controlled authorities, unprecedented powers to go after anyone who “undermines the security of Canada” by interfering with the country’s “economic or financial stability.”

 

Wait, it actually gets better.  Bill C 51 also allows authorities to arrest and detain someone if a terrorist act "may be carried out.” Yeah, you heard that right, “may be carried out” – presumably this will involve a specialized team of fucking psychic investigators but the bill is a little fuzzy on the details.

The bill allows the government to add anyone it believes *might* be travelling to engage in terrorism to the no fly list, and no, I’m not exaggerating here.  It also allows them to force providers to take down websites it thinks are promoting terrorism and “disrupt” communications between people it thinks are plotting terrorist attacks. Naturally, there is no definition of "disrupt" in the entire fucking bill.

As if all that weren’t bad enough however, the real motherfucking cherry on top of Bill C 51 is the part where it makes it illegal to advocate or promote “the commission of terrorism offences in general.” What in the flying fuck is a terrorism offence in general and what exactly constitutes advocating or promoting one? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS, cause it CERTAINLY doesn’t say here in Bill C 51!

Actually, nobody really *DOES* know – newspapers in Canuckistan are full of lawyers and journalists pointing out hypothetical ways you could violate the new law. Do you think the Palestinian people have a right to oppose the government of Israel in Gaza? For fuck’s sake don’t say that shit out LOUD man – Hamas is designated as a terrorist organization by the government of Canada! Sympathize with Chechen rebels, speak out for Tamil dissidents or just wish someone would chop off Kim Jong Un’s head in North Korea, and you could be looking at a 5 years in the bin according to legal experts. 

Need more evidence that this bill is nothing short of a brazen grasp at sweeping, authoritarian powers by Stephen Harper and the Canuckistan Government? Okay then, let’s talk about the fact that virtually all of the shit this bill supposedly protects Canadians from is *already* illegal. Authorities already have the power to arrest people plotting terrorist attacks. They can already remove hate propaganda from the internet. Finally, they can already arrest and prosecute any asshole who counsels or actively encourages someone to commit a fucking terrorist attack.

The difference here is entirely in the wording folks, instead of attacks that “will be carried out”, Bill C 51 now refers to attacks that “may be carried out.” Instead of punishing those who directly encourage political violence, it now allows authorities to arrest people who merely advocate “terrorism in general”. This is underpinned by the fact that the legal definition of terrorism in Canada is already EXTREMELY fucking loose to begin with might I add. Finally, I can’t even begin to comprehend the implications of a government with the power to block phone calls, seize passports and tear down websites because they fucking BELIEVE you MIGHT be somehow involved in whatever the fuck they’re calling terrorism today. 

Mutherfucker you have GOT to be kidding me – this bill would make Augusto Pinochet blush with immodesty. Furthermore, there’s a VERY good fucking chance it will never survive a challenge in the Supreme Court of Canuckistan because things like free speech and flying to Florida in the winter are protected rights in Canada. 

Despite this however, Stephen Harper has both the political power and the presumed mandate to ram this shitwaffle into actual law for the time being. He’s got an election coming up this Fall and his party is betting that they can win by assuring a scared populace that only Harper can keep them safe- at the cost of a few minor rights and liberties of course.

Actually, the really fucked up thing about all this is that there’s no evidence whatsoever that Canuckistan even NEEDS new laws to keep its people safe. 

The plot to derail the train was discovered when someone in the local Muslim community tipped off the Feds and at the point arrests were made, the attack was still in the planning stage.

The pressure cooker bomb plot was halted by police who’d been monitoring the couple’s actions for months. In fact, the two “terrorists” appear to be self-radicalized junkies – recent converts to Islam with no associations to any known terrorist organization. Furthermore, the whole case may be a textbook study in police entrapment – originally, the dynamic duo planned to get a bunch of guns and shoot up a Canadian military installation until the undercover fed watching them steered them towards pressure cooker bombs at a public rally. Regardless, even the fucking spokesman for the RCMP admitted that “These devices were completely under our control, they were inert, and at no time represented a threat to public safety,”

The ramming attack was perpetrated by a 25 year old French Canadian who was living with his parents at the time. He too was a very recent convert to Islam, after having lost his small business and becoming estranged from his wife and young child. In the aftermath of the tragedy, a neighbor said the following about him: "I don’t think it’s a terrorist act," she said. "He needed help. We could see that he needed psychiatric help."

The shooter in Ottawa was a 32 year old crack addict with a long history of petty crimes, mental illness and an overpowering sense of wanderlust.   He once tried to hold up a McDonald’s with a sharpened stick and then purposely waited for the cops to arrest him as part of a complicated detox plan. He too was self-converted and self-radicalized; although it’s hard to say exactly when this happened as he gave completely different dates to everyone he ever discussed the subject with.  About 20 days before the shooting, he tried to renew his passport and leave for Libya but was denied. People who knew him suggested that being trapped in Canuckistan was the real motive for his actions – as much as someone as mentally fucking disturbed as this guy can HAVE a motive.

In all four incidents, the perpetrators of these attacks were either arrested, or killed. Their combined body count was two – with zero victims being actual civilians. As I’m writing this, news is breaking that the Halifax police thwarted a Columbine-style shooting plot on Valentine’s Day. 3 suspects are in custody and the only fatality is a gunman who decided to eat a bullet in the privacy of his own home before the cops got to him.

All of this was accomplished with regular, old-fashioned police work and laws already on the books today. While the murder of two soldiers is indeed a tragedy, only a fucking child believes you can have a war without casualties – even a fake war against an abstract noun.

 

No, if Stephen Harper and his Regressive Conservative party really wanted to keep Canadians safe from terrorist attacks, he’d stop sending Canuckistani soldiers to bleed out in some god-forsaken shithole on behalf of corporate interests. If they really gave a fuck about solving the problem, they’d reinvest in Canada’s shattered mental health system. Canuckistan doesn’t have a violent Islamic extremist problem – it has loner nutbag copycats slipping through the cracks problem, and bill C 51 will do nothing to solve it. 

Not that Stephen Harper cares however – he’s hit the big time now: a giant peanut-headed king perched on a throne fashioned from cow shit and oil. C 51 will pass and if it isn’t immediately struck down by the Supreme Court of Canuckistan, it will fundamentally destroy the right to free speech in the country. Isn’t democracy fucking grand folks?

You’ve been reading Everyone Is Wrong But Me – the Canuckistani Patriot Act Edition. If you made it this far, just fucking subscribe to my channel already. Come on Georgie, we all float down here….

Ciao

Episode 1: Old Cat Rants Out Loud

I suppose I should begin by telling you who I am. That’s usually how these things start, isn’t it? 

Naw, fuck that: the truth is, it doesn’t really matter who I am. Like you, I’m just another one of precisely eleventy-billion, ugly, hairless monkeys with an internet connection and an exaggerated sense of self importance. 

I’m not rich or famous, and I’m not here to sing you a song or write you a custom slash-fic. I’m not sexy, I don’t have “noodz” and under absolutely no circumstances do I want to “cyber” with you. Actually, while we’re on the subject – I’m not a really a cat either, so you can keep your cum-stained paws to yourself if that’s alright. 

 

I’m not here to save the spotted owl, tell you who to vote for or explain why you’re a shitlord for ignoring the plight of oppressed tool and die makers from east Buttfuckistan.  

Finally, I’m not here to sell you anything either – although, if some day you want to subscribe to my channel because you think leaving a dangerous lunatic such as myself in the public work force is a colossally, bad idea – well, nobody is stopping you.

No, gentle listener, I’m actually here just to talk.  You see, I am possessed of a specific, paradoxical type of mental defect where I can stand neither solitude, nor the company of stupid people. I call this state “having two brain cells to rub together” but you’re free to assume I’m just batshit insane. 

Unfortunately, I also have a job that requires me to maintain some form of decorum and therein lies the problem. I spend all day - virtually every day - pretending that I like other people for money, while simultaneously growing more repulsed and alienated by the people I see around me. 

 

The world hasn’t just become stupid; it’s embraced stupidity as some form of idyllic state we should all aspire to, because, apparently dumb people are happy. Every moment, of every hour and every day of your entire life, you (and I) have been encouraged to suppress our own intellect and allow someone else to think for us. 

From cradle to grave we are indoctrinated into a society that declares each and every one of us the pinnacle of creation – and then aggressively stomps out any signs of individuality, self determination and free will we exhibit at each waking opportunity.

I would love to tell you that this is all part of some grand conspiracy theory – that would certainly be more interesting wouldn’t it? Unfortunately, it’s rather difficult to have a conspiracy when everything I’m talking about is right in the open. 

You see, it’s simply easier to control and profit from a stunned, infantilized populace that’s been trained to crash from desire to desire without a second thought for what it means to be human. While I hope to discuss the “reasons” for all this at some later point in time, for now it is enough to say that my money is on naked ambition and rampant self interest as opposed to a shadowy cabal of wealthy elites who’ve been planning this since the dawn of time.

And of course, we are also complicit because we tolerate this infantalization. We tolerate it because our parents tolerated it. We tolerate it because not one single person on this wretched mudball has ever known any different. We tolerate it because we like TV shows, the Internet and Katy Perry music videos. We tolerate it because every day the news reminds us that some poor dirt-farming bastard in South Shitholeville has it much worse. We tolerate it because we don’t want to be ostracized, for to question the ebb and flow of your shitty little life is the ultimate sin when you’re surrounded by people pretending the impulse to consume is synonymous with joy. Mostly though, we tolerate it because we’d like to be left alone to attempt to wrangle some sense of happiness and worth out of our brief existence.

Look, not one person listening to this diatribe needs me to tell them that shit is pretty fucked up right now. Turn on a television or use your internet connection for something besides downloading cat pictures and graphic shit porn.

The whole world is swinging towards violent extremism at a terrifying pace – there’s not enough food, money or willpower on the planet to provide two cars, big screen televisions and fucking Happy Meals to everyone and we all know it.

Nations everywhere are using technology to monitor people in ways that would make the fucking Stazi downright jealous. Our leaders disguise wars as humanitarian actions and a complicit corporate media continues to sell those lies for however long it takes them to finish killing everyone who opposes their interests. 

 

One of the most powerful nations on earth has been revealed to be either a disgusting, writhing mass of pedophiles or a pathetic, simpering nest of rats who lie to protect pedophiles – just to avoid making a big fucking scene. Religious zealotry is either making the mutherfucking comeback of all time or technology is just making it too damn easy to smoke a fool for believing in the wrong fortune-telling grifter. Police kill people in the street for the most trivial of offenses and are declared innocent of all crimes under the blanket of completely transparent lies – even when video evidence says they’re guilty as fuck.

 

Hell, some dipshit decided to make a 7^th Fast and Furious movie for fuck’s sake – you DO NOT need me to tell you that things are bad – you know it already.

Of course, the question then becomes - How could any one person be expected to just keep up with, let alone care about all of this shit? Furthermore, how do you keep giving a damn when every 12 seconds there’s a new “most terrible thing in the world” to discover? How do you unravel an infinite web of lies? How can anyone hope to change anything when literally all the money in the world and the course of human history seem to be aligned against such an occurrence?

No, giving a shit costs – it costs you mentally and it costs you emotionally. If you decide to get too uppity about giving a shit – especially in a public place - it’ll cost you physically too. Therefore it’s simply much *easier* to play games, eat garbage and argue passionately about nonsense - because to do otherwise would be to court pain and suffering. We strike a bargain with the world and promise not to mention how shitty things are if everyone just leaves us alone, in peace with our entertainment, electronic trinkets and psychotropic pharmaceuticals. “Just please, please, please – let me consume in peace” we beg.

Well, I’m not going to leave you alone and I’m not going to let you consume in peace. I’m going to keep talking and if you keep listening – I think you’re going to discover that living a lie makes you angry. I think that deep down inside you know that you are capable of being more than a hungry mouth, raging hormones and a walking ATM machine.

Of course, I could be wrong about you and as we’ve already established, I’m probably batshit fucking crazy - so there’s a pretty good chance you’re only here to listen the “oldfag” “sperg-out.” That’s fair enough, but I’m going to keep talking anyways – because I find it therapeutic, because I own a decent headset and because quite frankly I love the sound of my own voice. Stick around, and maybe we’ll both learn something in the end…

You’ve been reading to Everyone Is Wrong but Me and if you expect some kinda medal for making it to the end of the article, you can go fuck yourself Charlie. Oh and subscribe to my channel, or I’ll send flying, cannibal monkeys to skullfuck your whole family. 

Ciao.